


You Really Got Me Bad

by EscapingReality51



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Denial of Feelings, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Pining, mechanic!aaron, roommates au, unemployed!Robert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-05-26 04:18:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14992586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EscapingReality51/pseuds/EscapingReality51
Summary: Robert loses his job and is forced to get a roommate. However, when Aaron Dingle rocks up on his doorstep, Robert's ability to say no quickly disappears.orthe roommate AU no one asked for but I had to write anyway





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from Maroon 5 - Misery
> 
> please note that Robert initially thinks Aaron is straight, but he finds out he was wrong and Aaron says he is gay.

Robert hates that it has to come to this, but he has a spare room in his flat and a letter in his hand from his employer letting him know he is being let go. He crumples it and tosses it in the bin, letting out a frustrated sigh.

He has to get a roommate. 

Diane suggests hanging up fliers around the city, which is ridiculous because who even reads them anymore. Andy suggest an online advertisement with a smug smile on his face that makes Robert want to punch him. Their sibling rivalry is too strong for Robert not to know Andy is enjoying this. 

Vic is the only one with a solution. Her current boyfriend Adam has a mate who needs a place to stay, and she looks up at Robert with open eyes and her hands pressed together in front of her and Robert can’t say no. Not to Vic. 

So Robert agrees to meet him first. Aaron. Some mechanic from outside of town who moved out of his mum’s place for his job in the city. It’s an inconvenience more than anything and Robert hates having to share his space with anyone, particularly a stranger. He looks around his flat and tidies it up, because whoever walks through that door, Robert needs him to want to live here.  

He’s making two cups of coffee when there’s a knock on the door, two quick raps of a fist against the hard wood that has Robert setting the milk frother down and walking towards the door. In three quick steps Robert makes it to the front door and as soon as he opens it, he forgets his own name. 

Aaron’s down-right gorgeous; blue eyes and soft curls and stubble on his cheek that makes his lips stand out and Robert’s eyes fall to them almost immediately. He is wearing a black t-shirt under a hoodie and a pair of jeans that has Robert’s mouth watering with the way it shows off his thighs. 

“Robert, Vic’s brother?” Aaron asks. At the sound of his voice Robert’s eyes meet Aaron’s again. He takes a breath to pull himself together. Even Aaron’s voice is hot, hoarse and deep and causing non-roommate thoughts to course into Robert’s mind. Robert nods quickly. “Can I…?” Aaron continues, hand pointing towards the inside of the flat. 

“Yeah, ‘course!” Robert says. He steps aside and Aaron walks past him, leaving behind the faint smell of aftershave and something else that has Robert weak at the knees. “I’ve made some coffee, if you’re interested?”

“Sure,” Aaron says. He has his hands in his pockets and is looking around the place with wide eyes. Robert starts frothing more milk and Aaron clears his throat behind him. “Black,” he says. 

“Right,” Robert manages, pouring milk into his own mug and handing one to Aaron. “So… Aaron, when do you start your new job?” 

“I already started, I’m sleeping on Adam’s couch for the time being.” Aaron takes a sip and sits back, looking around the flat once more.  Robert asks a few more questions, and Aaron answers concisely. He seems to be a nice enough bloke despite who his best friend is. He is economical with his words, looks slightly overwhelmed as he takes in his surroundings.

“This is a nice flat,” he says. The words bear with them the weight of approval, and a sense of pride fills Robert. 

“Want to see the room?” Robert suggests. Aaron nods and gets up to follow. 

Robert opens the door and switches on the light, allowing Aaron to walk in first. “I’ve got my desk in here now but I’ll just move that to my own bedroom. You can do with it whatever you like, as long as you leave it in the condition it’s in now.” Robert definitely does not look at the curve of his arse as he walks around, and he most certainly ignores the way Aaron’s shoulder move as he reaches out to touch the wall.

Aaron’s nodding, and then he starts smiling. It is so bright Robert can’t look away. “You sure about this?” he says. 

Robert licks his lips. Aaron seems like a regular bloke, has a job, and is ridiculously fit. Robert swallows before nodding. “Why don’t you move your stuff in this weekend? I need the money and you need a place to stay.” 

Aaron nods. “That would be great, yeah. Thank you,” he says. “I’ll need to buy a bed…”

“I can help put it together… Not like I have a job to keep me occupied.” 

Aaron bites his lip, smiles again. Robert’s eyes linger and take in the sight of him, drinks it in. “Can I come by with some of my things after work tomorrow?” Aaron’s eyes meet Robert’s and he hopes he isn’t being too obvious, that he doesn’t scare the bloke off. He really needs this money, after all. 

Robert nods. “Sure. Whatever you need.” 

“Brilliant,” Aaron says. 

Ten minutes later Robert closes the door behind Aaron and leans against it. He showed him the bathroom they would share, they talked a while, and it seemed so… easy. Aaron had seemed more open by the end of it but he still didn’t exactly say much. Robert takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. Aaron makes his stomach flutter and his heart beat audibly in his ears. Robert hasn’t felt this in ages, and he certainly hadn’t expected it today but one look at Aaron and he can’t seem to think straight. 

He is definitely screwed.


	2. Chapter 2

Aaron’s bed arrives on Saturday afternoon. Aaron came by during the week with boxes but it isn’t until now that Aaron can fully move in. 

Robert’s wearing a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt when Aaron knocks on the door, small smile on his face and two guys behind him carrying the bedframe in boxes. Aaron’s got a six-pack of beers in his hand, and lifts it up to show Robert. 

“Still want to help?”

Robert steps aside and says: “Of course, yeah.” 

Aaron walks in and the movers follow him through the living room and into Aaron’s bedroom. They set it down and Aaron signs a piece of paper, and soon enough they are unpacking it together, beer cans open and music playing from Robert’s portable speakers. 

“This should be easy for you, being a mechanic.” 

Aaron snorts. “Why d’you reckon that?”

Robert shrugs and wipes a hand on his t-shirt - it is already getting dirty. “Building things, putting things together… isn’t that your job?” 

Aaron’s looking at him like he’s a moron. Maybe he is. “Cars are a lot different from beds, mate.” 

“Fine,” Robert concedes. “Not like my expertise is any help.” 

Aaron throws a large piece of cardboard over his shoulder before he asks: “What do you do?” 

“Did… I used to work for an advertisement company.”

“Why did they fire you?” Aaron asks.

“Made one too many bad pitches,” Robert says with a shrug. “Got cocky, I guess.” 

They help each other get the wooden parts out of the box and organise them according to size, Aaron pointing to where each of them should go. “Don’t ad-people make pots and pots of money?” Aaron asks, sorting through the bag of assorted screws and metal bits. Robert doesn’t know the names of any of them if he’s being honest. 

“Yeah,” Robert replies with a shrug. 

“So why did you need a roommate?” Aaron asks. “Don’t you have money saved up or something?”

Robert laughs. “I just bought myself a porsche 356.”

Aaron’s eyes go wide. “You’re kidding me,” he says.

“Means I don’t have a lot of money left in my savings account… I always wanted one and I figured this was the time to do it - no family, I’ve got a flat, a stable job,” he says, voice trailing off. In truth he is still trying to come to terms with his latest failure, the sting of rejection still fresh on his mind. 

“Everyone makes mistakes,” Aaron mutters. Robert just nods in reply. “Want another beer?” Robert nods again. 

The bed is assembled after a few hours of cooperation; Aaron is surprisingly easy to work with, easy to be around. Robert catches himself staring only twice - once where Aaron is bent over searching for a particular piece of the puzzle, and once when he chuckles at Robert’s stupid jokes. 

When the bed’s been assembled, Aaron jumps onto the mattress and beckons for Robert to join him. He lies down and looks over at Aaron, who has his arms behind his head and a contented smile on his face. “This is so much better than Adam’s couch,” he says. 

Robert hums in agreement. “How long have you two been mates?” 

Aaron shrugs, a difficult task lying down but he manages nonetheless. “About eight years now… he helped me a lot a few years back, I was going through some stuff. I guess after that I couldn’t get rid of him.” His smile is a fond one as he thinks back to his friendship. Robert has never had that - never felt that fondness that is clearly so large a part of Aaron’s life. 

Although they lie there a few minutes longer, the silence doesn’t grow awkward or forced. It’s easy, and Robert can almost feel himself relaxing. Almost, because his body is uniquely aware of every single one of Aaron’s movements, his breathing, his small shuffles as he gets used to his new mattress. When Aaron shifts his head to look at Robert, he feels it on his skin. 

“Pizza and a movie?” Aaron asks. 

“Sure,” Robert says. “Got one in mind?” 

Aaron grins. “I’m impartial to the Fast and the Furious.” 

Robert rolls his eyes in an attempt to downplay his own love of it. Paul Walker and cars is his perfect combination. “Sounds good to me.” 

Robert swallows hard as Aaron gets up and walks to the living room. He takes a deep breath. He has spent so little time with Aaron and yet he can almost see the precipice over which he is about to fall; one more smile, or maybe a kind word, and it might be enough to throw him over, head first. 

“You coming?” Aaron asks. 

Robert practically jumps off the bed. 

 

It’s not that Robert struggles with being bisexual, not anymore. He has had sex with both men and women, and as he tried to come to terms with it, dated women more seriously than men. He just hasn’t exactly told anyone. Not even Vic. 

Aaron’s testing that resolve now, pushing at his boundaries and making him see a different side of himself; a side that wants, desperately, a side that Robert has always been afraid of. A side that could love.

If Aaron needs a bowl off the top shelf, he’ll reach for it and Robert has to actively prevent his eyes wandering to Aaron’s midriff. If Aaron takes a shower he’ll walk out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist without a care in the world and Robert has to bite his tongue and look the other way. It’s almost painful to have to look away but Aaron’s straight and Robert can’t afford to make him feel awkward. 

Aaron’s eating a pizza one evening, lounging on the sofa while Robert cooks a pasta dish. 

“Sure you’d rather have a pizza over this?” Robert asks. 

Aaron shrugs. “If I can’t pronounce the ingredients I don’t trust it,” he says. 

“That’s ridiculous,” Robert remarks, straining the pasta into the sink. “Never had osso bucco?”

Aaron’s face is blank when Robert catches his eye. “You’re impossible,” Robert says. 

Aaron just shrugs again. He is a master of the shrug, allowing it to convey everything from agreement and acknowledgement, to indifference. It’s an artform, truly. 

“What’s the policy on bringing people home?” Aaron asks. 

Robert sits down on the sofa, a bowl of pasta in one hand and a fork in the other. “You mean…?”

“On the pull,” Aaron says. 

Robert clears his throat, dismisses the bout of jealousy that just sparked in his gut. “Erh, yeah… just don’t be too loud, I guess. Wall’s aren’t exactly soundproof.” 

Aaron nods. “I’m going out with a few mates this weekend, just wanted to check.” 

“No problem,” Robert says. “Want me to wear my earplugs?” he jokes.

Aaron raises an eyebrow and smiles, just a little bit. “Nah, I’ll be good.” 

“Right,” Robert says. “Top Gear?” he asks, and Aaron nods. 

It nags at the back of his mind all week, springing up every time he sees Aaron. He knows he doesn’t have the right to feel jealousy - he doesn’t have the right to feel anything - but it isn’t his choice any longer. 

Friday comes around and Robert goes out to dinner with Victoria. It’s easy, and they find a great little thai place not too far away. When she asks about Aaron, Robert just says it’s going fine, that they’re getting along fine, and if she suspects anything she doesn’t pry. 

Robert goes home and falls asleep, hoping to not be woken up by the sound of Aaron and whoever he brings home. 

The next morning Robert wakes up early, and relief floods him. Maybe Aaron didn’t even bring anyone home. Maybe Aaron didn’t want to bring anyone back. Maybe… Robert throws on some tracksuit bottoms and walks out to the kitchen, only to find a man using his coffee machine, a man he has no idea who is. 

“Can I help you?” Robert asks, more aggressively than he expected. 

The guy turns around and Robert takes in the look of him, all hard angles and dark blonde tousled hair, stubble growing on his chin. He’s fit. “I’m just trying to make two cups…” he says, voice deep. 

“Press that button, and switch the cups when the first one is full,” Robert says. “Who are you?”

“Oh, I’m…” he smiles a little and is about to speak when Aaron walks out of the bedroom, yawning. 

“Hiya,” Aaron says, freezing upon seeing Robert. “Morning,” he says. 

“Who is this?” Robert asks, incredulous. 

Aaron clears his throat, runs a hand through his hair. “I pulled,” he says, simply. Two small words that have Robert’s eyes opening and his mouth falling open. 

“Right,” he says, mind wrapping around the fact that Aaron is into blokes. Aaron’s gay, or bi, or whatever but… he looks between them and Aaron glances at the guy and sighs. 

“I think I’ll just leave,” the guy says. He walks over and picks up his jacket before pressing a kiss to Aaron’s cheek and muttering: “Thanks for last night.” 

As the door closes, Aaron lets out a breath. 

“Right,” Robert manages. Aaron walks over to the counter and places ready cup of coffee in front of Robert. “So you’re…” 

“I’m gay,” Aaron says. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to throw me out or summat,” he admits, eyes down cast. 

“What, you think I’d throw you out because of that?!” Robert exclaims. 

Aaron shrugs, but his voice conveys so much more. “It’s happened before,” he mutters. “I really needed this place, and you never know…”

Robert takes a sip and lets his mind readjust, getting up and fishing the milk out of the fridge to pour into his cup. “I was surprised but I’m not kicking you out. I don’t care if you’re gay,” he lies smoothly. Of course he cares. This new information makes his heart beat in his chest as if he has downed seventeen espresso shots. 

“Right,” Aaron manages. “Good.” 

Robert’s still taking deep breaths, trying to calm down whatever panic is building in his chest. Aaron sips his own coffee once, twice, and then opens the fridge. “Breakfast?” he asks.

Robert nods. 

Aaron makes a mean fry-up and Robert manages to hide his raging emotions, though how he manages isn’t exactly obvious. Aaron seems more at ease now, a weight gone that Robert hadn’t even noticed was present. It weighs on him now, a secret and a knot in his stomach that he doesn’t know how to get rid of. 

Robert walks into the bathroom with a knot in his stomach, and pressure building under the surface that he knows needs release. He shouldn’t - he knows he shouldn’t - but his body aches. He switches on the shower and waits until the temperature is perfect before stepping in, one foot and then the other. 

With the warm water rushing over him, down his shoulders, soaking his hair and drumming against his skin, he exhales. It’s just physical. It’s been a while for Robert; his last one night stand was a few months ago, and even now as he stands in the shower, he can’t remember the last time he did it himself. 

He’s already hard. Even the knowledge of the possibility of Aaron, of touching him and tasting him and feeling him shiver underneath Robert’s fingers has made him rock hard, the thought a constant in his mind. It’s just physical.

So he wraps a hand around himself and slowly starts to move his hand, increasing the pressure as he reaches the tip. He braces himself against the wall of the shower, breathes deeply through his nose as he loses himself in the feeling, lets his mind run wild. Aaron biting his lip. Aaron unbuttoning his jeans. Aaron wrapping his hand around him, Aaron tugging, Aaron, Aaron Aaron…

He spills more quickly than he had anticipated, biting back a moan as his orgasm courses through him, draws the air out of his lungs and fires off every nerve in his body. With a breath and one more, he resurfaces, then washes his body and hair, and switches off the shower. The towel is soft against his skin - he loves his new fabric softener - and as he dries his face, he meets his eye in the shower. It was just physical, and he can handle the physical on his own. He can get out of this. He can stop wanting Aaron Dingle.

With a towel wrapped around his waist he walks out of the bathroom and across the hallway to his bedroom. 

“Robert?” Aaron asks, head looking around the corner from the living room.

“Yeah?” Robert replies. 

“Need anything from the shops?” Aaron asks. “I was just going to pop down for some toast.”

Robert swallows, pretends to think for a second“I’m alright, thanks.” 

“Cool,” Aaron says, a smile on his face. Which takes the breath out of Robert’s lungs, makes his heart swell. “See you later,” he says, grabbing his key and walking out the front door.

“Fuck,” Robert says. This was definitely not just physical. 


	3. Chapter 3

Robert sends off job applications to all the different advertising firms he can think of, solicited or otherwise. He spends his days at home, with the occasional break at the gym, sending off applications and staring at his own reflection in his computer screen. 

He is almost glad to be living with someone; any human contact at this point is necessary, or Robert knows he would be living in his pyjamas, never showering, spiralling into a depressed stupor. 

He’s sitting at home in jeans and a t-shirt - navy blue today - when Aaron comes home from work. 

Aaron drops his key on the kitchen table and sighs heavily. 

“Alright?” Robert says, looking up from his newspaper and freezing. 

Aaron’s wearing dark-blue overalls, sleeves wrapped around his waist and a tight white t-shirt underneath. Robert can’t stop staring at the broad expanse of chest beneath the white fabric, the arms and hands, dirty from working with motor oil. This is getting ridiculous. 

“Yeah, just a long day. Spilled my lunch on my trousers so had to come home in these,” he says, pointing at his overalls. “They’re disgusting, I know.”

Robert bites back a laugh. They are only disgusting in the way they make Robert’s mouth water. “You can wash them if you’d like.”

“Nah,” Aaron says, “they’ll be dirty tomorrow anyway.” He walks over to the sink and starts working on washing the grime off his hands. “What about you - sent off any applications?”

“A few,” Robert says. “I doubt it will end up with any offers though.” 

“Why?” Aaron asks. His back is still turned, and Robert can watch as the muscles in his shoulders tense with every movement of his wrists. He shakes his head to get out of it, trying to think of anything but Aaron’s body. 

“Well,” he manages to say finally, “I wasn’t exactly doing well at my old job. Don’t even have a letter of recommendation from them.” 

Aaron glances over his shoulder to send Robert a comforting smile. “Maybe you need to branch out, find something in a different area.” 

“What d’you mean?” Robert asks. 

“I don’t know, maybe you should find a job in marketing for Vauxhall or something… You’d be good at it,” Aaron says. As if he knows Robert well enough to know that. Does he?

“Right,” Robert says. He turns a page without reading it, biting on his lower lip. 

Aaron dries his now clean hands on the kitchen towel, and walks towards his bedroom. “It’s something to consider, yeah?” 

Robert nods. Aaron disappears behind a wall and Robert tosses the newspaper across the room. 

He runs a hand through his hair, lets out a breath. It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? Working for a car company would be… great, it interests him, it might even be something he enjoys. So why didn’t he think of it? Why did it have to be Aaron, with his arms and his smile and his nice-ness suggesting something that should have been obvious?

Robert picks up his computer and starts working. 

 

The last time Robert wore a suit, it was the day he got fired. Now he puts it on and looks in the mirror, squares his shoulders. He always felt good in a suit, and despite the pang of rejection that lingers in the fabric of his navy suit, it still makes him feel strong. Professional. He choses a tie from his collection and ties a half-windsor knot with his eyes fixed on the mirror. 

He has an interview today, at a job working sales for Mini, and maybe it isn’t exactly where he imagined himself being a few years ago, but it’s a start. It emanates possibility, and as Robert fixes his hair in the mirror he feels a sliver of his confidence return. 

He walks into the kitchen and starts putting on some coffee. 

“You clean up well,” he hears from behind him. Turning around, he sees Aaron standing at the entrance to the living room, arms crossed over his chest. “What’s all this for?”

Robert can’t help but grin. “Got a job interview this morning, figured I’d look the part.” 

“Not bad,” Aaron says. He gives Robert a quick one over before finding a bowl and starting on his own breakfast. “Who’s it with?” 

“Mini,” Robert says. “I’m not sure why they offered me an interview, but we’ll see what happens.” 

Aaron nods, leans against the kitchen table as he eats standing. “You’ll be fine,” he says between bites. 

Robert’s shoulders fall slightly. “Sure?” he asks, in a flickering moment of vulnerability. 

Aaron sets down his bowl and pats Robert once on the shoulder. 

“Even if this one doesn’t work out, I’m sure there’ll be other offers. You’re smart,” he adds, as if this is obvious. It isn’t always to Robert. 

“Thanks,” Robert says. He makes himself a piece of toast and they eat breakfast in comfortable silence; Aaron scarfing down cereal and Robert reading the papers while he finishes his coffee. 

At a glance around the room, the evidence of Aaron’s presence is clear. There’s a magazine on the table, and Robert is drinking out of one of the cups Aaron’s brought with him. Aaron even brought with him a toaster that was better than Robert’s, which is now stored away in a cupboard. The living room is similar, pieces of Aaron sit around the room; a collection of DvD’s Robert would never have bought but has watched several of when he wanted to, a woolen blanket that Robert at first found scratchy but has to admit is quite nice, and next to the telly lies Aaron’s PS4 that they both enjoy playing. A possible inconvenience has turned into a pleasant surprise, a presence in Robert’s life that he doesn’t really mind. In fact, it feels good. 

Aaron places his bowl in the dishwasher and gives Robert an encouraging nod before leaving for work, accompanied by a small smile. Robert returns it, and his eyes linger on the door long after it is closed. 

The first interview goes well but the company chooses a more experienced candidate. It’s a bit of a blow, but a few days later Robert gets another interview, and then another. Finally he seems to be going somewhere, moving forward towards a future he might enjoy. 

The fact that Aaron buys him pizza and they watch a silly action movie after his first rejection lessens the sting somewhat - with Aaron laughing at his side, Robert doesn’t feel it as much. 

 

Robert walks through the door with a bag of groceries in one hand and a newspaper in the other; the craving for boeuf bourguignon was too great to resist, and Aaron’s inevitable eye-roll is only a bonus. 

Aaron’s sitting on the sofa playing a racing game on his PS4 and doesn’t pause when he speaks: “Dinner?”

“Yeah,” Robert says, “Hungry?” 

Aaron shifts slightly in his seat, casts a quick glance over his shoulder. “What’ve you got?” 

“Beef,” Robert says, obviously simplifying the situation. “Going to make a stew.” 

Robert can hear the furious press of buttons as Aaron thinks while he plays. “Alright, I’ll give it a go,” he says. 

Robert is setting the ingredients down on the counter when his phone goes off. “Robert Sugden speaking,” he says. Aaron turns around and rolls his eyes. 

“Mr Sugden, this is Kathy from Rolls Royce, you had a job interview with us a few days ago?”

“Yes,” Robert replies, “I remember you, hello.” His heart starts hammering in his chest and he starts pacing around the kitchen, groceries forgotten. 

“I am calling to inform you that we would like to offer you the position of marketing assistant at our company,” she says. Robert stops walking. 

“You… want to offer me a job?” he repeats, letting the words sink in as he speaks. The sound from the television abruptly stops as Aaron pauses his game and gets up from the sofa. He meets Robert’s eye and grins. 

“Yes, Mr Sugden. If you’re interested,” she says. He can almost hear the smile on her lips. “Despite your lack of experience within the field, we felt you would fit in well here, and with your drive you will be able to settle in nicely, we think.” 

“Thank you, I am very interested.” Robert runs a hand through his hair. “When do I start?”

“The first of next month work for you?” she asks.

“Yes, of course,” Robert replies immediately. 

“Brilliant. We’ll be in touch with the details,” she says. 

“Thank you. Goodbye,” Robert manages, waiting for her reciprocal dismissal before hanging up. 

Aaron’s standing in front of him with the biggest grin on his face, eyes crinkled and Robert’s heart feels too small for his chest. 

“Well?” Aaron asks.

“That was Rolls Royce… I start next Monday,” Robert says. 

Aaron walks over and pulls Robert in for a hug, wrapping his arms around Robert and patting him on the back. Robert can do nothing but place his arms around Aaron and hold him close. 

“Brilliant mate,” Aaron says, and Robert can feel Aaron’s breath on his skin. It sends shivers down his spine and he sinks into the feeling of Aaron wrapped around him. 

Aaron lets go but keeps Robert at arms length with a hand on Robert’s shoulder. Robert lets his gaze scan the contours of Aaron’s face, briefly landing on his lips before flickering back up. Aaron’s face is as open as it ever has been - the usually guarded scowl replaced by pure exaltation at Robert’s happiness, and it sinks in that this man cares about him, wants him to be happy. 

Robert can’t remember the last time he felt so loved by anyone. 

He does it before he really thinks it through; it’s an impulse he has fought for too long that spills over and with Aaron so close, so smiling, he can’t help himself. With his eyes locked on Aaron’s he slowly leans in and presses his lips to Aaron’s. 

Aaron’s lips are soft against Robert’s own but as Robert tried to deepen the kiss, Aaron freezes in his arms. Aaron pulls away, breaking out of Robert’s arms to stand back, to take a deep breath. His openness from before has evaporated, leaving in its wake surprise and something that almost resembles disappointment. 

“What…?” Aaron asks, his eyes falling from Robert’s to his lips. Whatever passes over his face makes Robert’s heart crumble, his hopes shatter. 

“Aaron I-” Robert starts but Aaron doesn’t let him finish. He pushes past him and grabs his keys before walking out of the door, slamming it behind him. Robert flinches at the sound 

An hour passes before he calls Vic - an hour spent fretting and panicking and walking away whenever his reflection is caught in the telly, or the window - and she comes over immediately, carrying a bottle of wine in her hand. 

“What happened?” she asks. 

Robert doesn’t even know what to say. It’s embarrassing, and terrifying. 

“I -” he starts, before taking a breath and to calm himself. She pours him a glass of wine and he drinks it in one gulp. 

“Robert, whatever it is you can talk to me. Where’s Aaron?” she asks, looking around. Robert’s face falls at her question. “Rob, what happened?”

“I messed everything up,” he mutters, barely loud enough for Vic to hear. “I made a mistake and he’s gone…” 

“Who’s gone? Aaron?” Vic asks. Robert nods and runs a hand over his face. “Rob, talk to me…” 

Robert takes a deep breath. He never really imagined what telling people would feel like but now he meets Vic’s eye and sees the concern there. He doesn’t even know if he has ever said the words out loud. 

“I’m… bisexual,” he says. Vic’s eyes open slightly, but after a few seconds she smiles, placing her hand on his arm and squeezing it. “I don’t know why I never said anything…” 

“How long have you known?” she asks. Her voice is softer now, her face kind. It achingly reminds Robert of their mother, and he takes a deep breath. 

“I was 15 when I first realised… I just didn’t know what people would think,” he says. 

“I love you, yeah?” she says. “No matter who you love.” 

At those words Robert sucks in a breath. “I kissed him, Vic.” 

He can see the pieces fall into place, see her mouth drop slight as she realises what he is saying. “Aaron?” she asks. 

“I… I think I love him, I think I have loved him since he moved in but I’ve been hiding it because I knew he couldn’t feel the same. But today, when I got a job and he seemed so happy and we hugged and…” 

“Wait, you got a job?” she exclaims. One look at Robert’s face makes her drop it. “Right, so you kissed him. What did he do?”

“He ran out the door,” Robert says. 

At his words, Vic wraps her arms around him and pulls him into a hug. 


	4. Chapter 4

Aaron doesn’t come back that night. 

Robert wakes up the next morning after a dreadful night’s sleep and walks around his empty flat in his pajamas. The deafening silence doesn’t drown out the incessant self-loathing in his mind, so he switches on the television and finds a rerun of Friends to watch while he wallows. As the hours go by, the gnawing in Robert’s gut gets worse. It’s a pain unlike anything he has ever felt before, but maybe that isn’t so odd when he loves Aaron in a way he hasn’t loved anyone before. Wholeheartedly, completely. It’s a scary realisation but it is also grounding. Robert loves Aaron with a certainty he has rarely had in life. 

By nighttime Robert has barely moved from the sofa, hasn’t changed out of his PJs. The sadness around him lingers as he gets up and goes to bed. 

 

Vic invites him over for lunch the next day. He goes and she cheers him up as best she can but in the end he leaves with the same sadness hovering over, following him from the moment he woke up. The supermarket on his way home from Vic’s flat is the easiest for Robert to stumble into on his way home. Despite his small appetite for food lately, milk in his coffee is a necessity and he is almost out. Robert finds the bottle he wants and turns around, only to find the last person he expected walking down the aisle.

“Aaron,” Robert says. 

Aaron stops in his tracks and as soon as he spots Robert, his eye narrow and his mouth tightens to a line. Robert swallows; holding a bottle of milk in his hand feels awkward, but so does setting it aside.  “Haven’t seen you since -” 

Aaron glares at him but doesn’t mention what happened. “I’ve been staying on Adam’s couch…”

“Right,” Robert mutters. “You have your bed in your room, I’m not stopping you…” 

Aaron runs a hand over his face. “Well, you should have stopped yourself from kissing me.”

Robert flinches. Knowing it is such a bad memory - that he messed it all up - makes his heart sink. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I shouldn’t have done it. It was a mistake,” he says. That stings too, and the pit in his stomach.  

“I’m not someone you can just experiment with and then chuck aside,” Aaron says. His jaw is clenching and his eyes burn into Robert’s 

“I’m not experimenting! It’s nothing like that,” Robert exclaims in a whisper before looking over his shoulder. “Let me explain, okay? Please?” 

Aaron retaliates slightly, shoulders falling as he bites his lip. “Fine,” he says. “I need to come by and get some of my stuff anyway.” Robert waits for Aaron to continue. “Can I come by later?”

Robert nods. “I’m home, yeah…”

Aaron nods once before stuffing his hands in his pocket. “I’ll text ya,” he says, before pushing past Robert out of the shop and walking out of the door without buying anything.

 

The gentle knock on the door shakes Robert out of his nerve-induced stupor. He walks - too quickly - to the door and opens it. 

“Hiya,” he says. His voice quavers a little but he meets Aaron’s gaze nonetheless.

Robert steps aside and Aaron walks in. His body language is stiff, his shoulders tense; Robert keeps his distance as he closes the door and walks over to the kitchen counter, sitting down. 

“Coffee?” he offers. Aaron shakes his head. 

“You said you wanted to explain…?” 

Robert sighs. “Yeah…” Aaron stands tall and waits. “I don’t know how to start.” 

“That’s not my problem, is it?” Aaron retaliates. 

“I know,” Robert says and the hurt in his voice is clear. 

Aaron lets out a breath. “I’m sorry, I just… I don’t know what’s going on here.”

A second passes, and another, and another. “I’m… I’m bisexual,” Robert says. It’s like ripping a plaster off - the pain and fear is quick but dissipates as soon as relief floods him. He meets Aaron’s eye and sees the surprise on his face. “You’re only the second person I’ve told. I’ve known for years but I haven’t really been great at accepting it, I guess. Until you.” Aaron swallows.  

“So… what was that, the other day?” Aaron asks. 

“I did it all wrong,” Robert says with a sigh. When he doesn’t continue, Aaron shuffles on his feet and clears his throat. 

“Did what all wrong?” he asks. His shoulders are more relaxed now, and the hesitation stems from something else. 

Robert takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. It’s just like a plaster. “I should’ve just told you that… I’m in love with you,” Robert says. “I have been for months, almost from the moment you moved in.” He looks up and Aaron glances away. 

“So, kissing me was you… what?” Aaron asks. 

“I just… I’d been holding it in for so long and then you hugged me and you were so close, and I couldn’t stop myself. I know it was wrong,” Robert says, “I should’ve just talked to you…” Aaron remains quiet, eyes shifting from the floor to the ceiling. “I don’t expect anything of you,” Robert says, even though it hurts. 

“I know,” Aaron says. “It’s just a lot to take in…” Robert remains silent. This is a fresh pain, one he tries desperately to keep hidden from Aaron; the reality of Aaron not wanting him hurts more than he ever imagined. “I’ll get a few things from my room,” Aaron says. 

“You can stay here, you know…” 

“I still need time, need to figure stuff out,” Aaron manages. “Give me a few days, yeah?”

Robert nods, bites his lip to stop the quiver in it from showing. “Go on then, you know where your room is,” he says, an attempt at a joke, and Aaron smiles before walking to his room and closing the door. When Aaron leaves 20 minutes later, he just gives Robert a small wave and Robert’s face crumbles as soon as the door closes. 

 

“You alright?” Vic asks, a comforting smile on her lips. 

Robert sips his coffee and nods. “I’m glad it’s out in the open, I’m glad he knows… even if he doesn’t reciprocate.” 

“You still haven’t heard from him?” she asks. 

“No,” Robert replies. “He’s been staying at Adam’s for the past four days now… Have you heard anything from Adam?”

Vic shakes her head. “I’m not sure he knows what’s going on and I haven’t told him. I haven’t wanted to pry…” 

“Probably for the best,” Robert says with a sad smirk. 

Vic sets a hand on his arm and squeezes. “I’m proud of ya,” she says. When Robert shakes his head in protest, she glares at him until it stops. “I am! You’re being true to who you are, and even if Aaron doesn’t feel the same, you’re doing the right thing by telling him, by being open and honest about it all.” 

Robert has the first genuine smile in several days pulling at his lips at her words. “Thanks, sis.” Pride fills him and it feels so good, sitting across from her and knowing he isn’t hiding.

“So, tell me all about your new job,” she says, grinning. 

Robert feels himself smiling back. “I start on Monday, in their marketing department. The offices aren’t too far from here, so it isn’t a long commute… and from the conversations we’ve had my boss seems great.” 

“I’m so thrilled to hear it,” Vic says. “I can’t wait to hear more when you’ve had your first day. Dinner at mine Monday evening?” 

“Yeah,” Robert says. He is about to ask her about how things are going with Adam when his phone buzzes. Glancing at his screen, Robert freezes. 

“What?” Vic asks. 

“It’s from Aaron,” Robert says. “ _ Can I come over tonight? I’ll bring food. _ ”

“That’s a good sign, right?” Vic says. 

“I don’t know,” Robert replies. “I guess I’ll find out.” 

 

Robert gets home and quickly throws away the old pizza-boxes have accumulated over the past few days; Robert has truly allowed himself to wallow, but knowing Aaron is on his way he opens the door to his bedroom and tosses his clothes on the floor there where no one can see it. The flutter in his chest only drives him to work faster. 

Just as he shoves the last pizza box away, there’s a knock on the door. It sends his heart hammering, makes his palms sweat. Aaron’s here and Robert gives the room a final glance before drying his palms on the towel beside the sink, and taking a deep breath. 

Robert opens the door and takes in the sight of him; jeans tight and a white t-shirt underneath a maroon hoodie, with two pizzas in his hand and a small smile on his lips. 

“Come in,” Robert says. 

Aaron nods as he walks in and over to the kitchen counter, upon which he places the pizzas. “You alright?” he asks. 

“Fine,” Robert replies. “Want a beer?”

“Alright then,” Aaron says. He walks around the kitchen and leans against the counter. “Getting ready for Monday?” 

“I guess,” Robert says. “I’m nervous but it’ll be fine, I’m sure.” He gets two beers out of the fridge and hands one to Aaron. As he takes it, their fingers touch and Robert’s stomach drops, warmth and desperation shooting through him like lightning. 

Aaron smiles at him, and Robert almost forgets how to speak. So he clears his throat instead.  

“Top Gear?” Robert asks and Aaron grins in reply. 

They end up eating their pizzas on the sofa as they did when Aaron first moved in, though now the air is both comfortable and nerve-wracking. Robert has no idea what is happening but Aaron’s smiling next to him, and he hasn’t felt better in days. 

“How’s Adam’s couch?” Robert asks.  

Aaron puts down his slice and takes a sip of his beer. “Lumpy,” he says, jokingly. 

Silence forms between them, awkward and heavy. “Aaron, I -” Robert begins but Aaron puts his hand out, stopping him. He sets his beer down on the table.  Robert nods. His hand is shaking so badly he has to set his beer down, take a breath. “We can still be friends you know,” he says. “I can probably get over it anyway.” 

Aaron’s smile drops slightly. A single joke and the entire mood shifts; Robert can do nothing but stand it in, let it happen. Control has left him but he keeps breathing. Aaron moves forward and switches off the telly, and Robert suddenly finds that hard too. 

“I’m sorry about the silent treatment the last few days,” Aaron says. “I didn’t mean to keep you out but I needed to wrap my head around it all.” 

Robert swallows. “That’s fair, it was a lot to dump on ya.” Aaron meets his eye. 

“I didn’t really know how I felt when I came over here,” Aaron says. His hands are fidgeting in his lap and he looks nervous - the gnawing in Robert’s gut is back in full force, tearing at his insides and making him nauseated. “I think I might have to move out,” Aaron says. 

Robert can feel his heart starting to break in his chest, small pieces crumbling off and disappearing. “I’m sorry if you feel that way, I thought we were doing alright and -”

“Rob, let me finish,” Aaron says, a smile on his lips. Robert can’t align it with the sadness that fills his chest. “I just… I think I want to take you out,” Aaron says. 

And just like that, Robert’s heart swells instead of crumbling. “You what?” The gnawing pit in his stomach disappears as Robert takes in the words. 

Aaron looks over. “I can’t stop thinking about that kiss. I’m myself around you, and I’d like to go out, maybe for dinner… if you’re interested?” 

Robert shifts, pulls his leg up to rest on the sofa. “You sure?” 

Aaron meets his eye and it ignites something in Robert’s chest. “I don’t know why I didn’t see it sooner if I’m being honest,” Aaron says.

Robert lets out a laugh while his eyes never leave Aaron’s. “I thought I was being obvious,” he says. 

“Apparently my gaydar is shot,” Aaron jokes. 

Robert can’t stop the laugh that bubbles in his chest, fills his heart with giddiness. “You sure about this?” he asks again, but Aaron just keep smiling. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” he asks. 

Aaron leaves not long after that, with a smile on his face, a glint in his eye that Robert can’t get enough of, and a promise of a date the next evening. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is their date, I hope that makes everyone forgive me for the ending of the last chapter! x


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the added tags and the new rating. 
> 
> This chapter has not been beta'd so I hope you can forgive any mistakes I made.

“What about this?” Robert asks. He is standing in front of the mirror wearing a pair of jeans and a shirt under a blazer. “Too formal?”

Vic is lounging on the bed behind him drinking a glass of wine and looking at his reflection in the mirror, considering. “I’m not sure… Why don’t you try a jumper instead?”

Robert sighs and starts changing. “I don’t know why I’m so nervous, I usually just wear whatever I want…” 

“Probably because this means something,” Vic counters. She’s smirking in the mirror and Robert turns around, glaring at her. “I’ve never seen you like this, Rob!” 

He stares at her for a few seconds before finding a jumper in the closet and putting it on. It’s light blue and as he shrugs on the blazer, Vic lets out an approving hum. The blue brings out the colour of his eyes, and he smiles. “This might do,” he says, moving slightly to take it all in. 

“Looks like it,” Vic grins. Their eyes meet in the mirror and Robert can tell that his nerves are showing on the lines of his face. “You’ll be great, yeah? You are friends, now you just get snog as well.” Robert picks up his shirt and throws it at her. She catches it without spilling a drop of wine on his sheets, for which he is grateful, and simply set it aside on the bed. “Ready?” she asks. 

“No,” Robert says. His hands shake slightly as he adjusts the blazer, as he fixes his hair. “I’ve never done this before…” 

“Done what?” Vic asks. “You’ve been with men before, what’s different about this?” 

“I’ve never loved anyone before,” Robert says. Their eyes meet in the mirror and he can see her comforting smile, her eyes not betraying any surprise she might feel. It’s harrowing to be so honest about himself but as he meets his own eye in the mirror and takes a deep breath, he recognises the growth that floods through him, lifting his shoulders and holding his head high. 

With a quick glance at his watch he sighs. “Right, time to go.” 

 

Aaron texted him the address of a gin bar earlier - it doesn’t seem like Aaron’s taste but Robert has been there before and walks there with plenty of time to spare. With each step he wills his nerves away, breathing and trying to contain the butterflies in his stomach. As soon as he sees Aaron, however, he forgets to breathe at all. 

Aaron is wearing what he always wears, a t-shirt under a hoodie and a pair of dark blue jeans, but it hugs to his body in all the right places, showing off all his assets. His beard is neatly trimmed and his curls sit softly on top of his head, but the real knockout is his smile when he sees Rob - big and broad and engulfing his face, wrinkling his eyes and showing off his teeth. Robert remembers to lift a hand in a small wave before he walks towards Aaron, his nerves back in full force. 

“Hi,” Aaron says. “This place alright with you?”

“Yeah, didn’t think it was your scene though,” Robert replies. Aaron’s shuffling on his feet with his hands in his pockets and Robert has to swallow hard to pretend it isn’t overwhelmingly cute. 

“Never been here, but I thought you might know it.” Aaron turns around and walks towards the door. “You coming?” he asks. 

Robert nods and follows him inside. 

It’s dark inside; the lights are clearly dimmed and there are candles on all the small tables placed haphazardly around the room. The bartender is wearing a grey t-shirt and the menu is on a clipboard. Aaron glances around the room, his face unreadable. 

“What’re you having?” Aaron asks as he reads the menu. He seems tense, shoulders raised slightly and eyes trying to take it all in at once. Robert clears his throat and looks at the menu.

Robert stands close enough to smell his aftershave. “I’m not sure, maybe a William Chase gin and tonic… You?” 

“Any suggestions?” Aaron says with a smile. Robert points down to the menu at a Hendrick’s gin and tonic. 

“You can never go wrong with that one,” Robert says. 

Aaron comes back to their table with the two drinks in hand. He sits down and hands Robert his drink, looking skeptically at his own. “Is that… cucumber?” Aaron asks. Robert places his hand on the table next to his glass. 

“Yeah, it fits the gin.” Robert looks at Aaron’s confused face and lets out a laugh. “Not really the gin type are you?” 

Aaron doesn’t reply, instead shifting his attention to Robert. “You look great,” Aaron says with an appreciative smile. The world falls away around them, and Robert swallows hard. 

“Thanks,” he says. “You’re not so bad yourself.” 

Aaron bites his lip and Robert has to remind himself to exhale. “So, how are you?” 

“Fine,” Robert says before correcting himself. “Great, actually.” 

Aaron’s mouth pulls up in a smile. “Good,” he says. He lifts the drink to his lips and takes a sip, grimacing immediately. 

Robert can’t help but laugh. “This really isn’t your deal is it?” he says, taking a sip of his own drink. It is perfectly mixed. Aaron raises an eyebrow at him. 

“It is clearly yours,” he says. Robert’s mouth falls open at the confession. 

“You chose this place for me?” Robert asks. Aaron looks around and gives a small nod. “You don’t have to go somewhere you don’t want to be just for me…” 

“It’s not like that,” Aaron says. “I just wanted you to be comfortable, wanted you to have a good time.” 

The blush that rises to Robert’s cheek is thankfully hidden by the dark lighting and the flickering candlelight. “Anywhere’s good if I’m with you,” he admits, relishing the grin it elicits from Aaron. “How was your week?” Robert asks.

“Alright,” Aaron says. He glances around the room before finding Robert’s face once more. “Didn’t sleep too well.” 

“I’m sorry about all of that,” Robert says but Aaron stops him with a hand on Robert’s. It is painfully effective, and Robert stops talking as soon as he feels Aaron’s skin on his. 

“I know, it’s alright.” Aaron smiles slightly. “I was just making a joke.” 

Robert nods. Aaron takes his hand away, a slight shake where there was steadiness before. Robert feels the loss of contact acutely, clenching his fist to remove the memory of Aaron’s hand resting on his. 

“How’s Vic?” Aaron asks. 

“Good,” Robert says. “She definitely did not help me calm down before tonight.” 

At those words Aaron’s mouth turns up in a smile. “Adam definitely didn’t hang out with me earlier for the same reason.” Robert grins. 

“You were nervous?” he asks. 

Aaron shrugs and it speaks louder than words. 

Aaron takes another sip and his grimace is just as strong, wincing at what Robert knows to be a good gin and tonic. “Why don’t we drink these quickly and then go and get a burger or something?” Robert asks. 

Aaron smiles and takes a testing sip of his drink once more. The subsequent cough tells Robert all he needs to know, and Aaron laughs as he says: “Sounds like a plan.” 

They leave not twenty minutes later, falling into step next to each other and they walk towards the nearest burger restaurant. Robert can’t stop looking over and taking in Aaron’s profile, his straight nose and his blue eyes fixed ahead. 

“This place,” Robert says as they walk towards the entrance, “should be more your thing.” 

It’s a plain burger restaurant, one with large tables and comfortable chairs, and a large assortment of beers on tap. Aaron smiles and his shoulder seem to release, comfort returning to him. 

They find a table and order two beers and two cheeseburgers as soon as the waiter arrives. 

“Better?” Robert asks. Aaron freezes for a second, but smiles and relaxes. “Good.” 

“I was thinking…” Aaron starts but pauses. “Have you seen the latest Avengers movie?”

Robert rolls his eyes. “What do you think?” 

Aaron laughs. “Fair point,” he says. “Want to see it again?” 

“Sure,” Robert says. Aaron smiling at him and it’s all ease. 

“Sunday?” Aaron asks. Robert nods and this time, when he sets his hand down on the table, Aaron places his hand on top almost immediately. 

It’s easier now that Aaron has relaxed. The conversation flows like it did before Robert kissed him, but now their hands are touching on the table and there is no doubt that despite the similarities to before, this is completely different. When Aaron smiles, his eyes are glinting and Robert’s eyes can shamelessly drink it in. When Aaron laughs, it echoes in Robert’s chest and he can’t help but reciprocate. When Aaron’s thumb starts tracing circles on Robert’s skin, he can barely think straight. 

After they have eaten - and Aaron has to unfortunately retrieve his hand to do so - Aaron pays the bill and Robert makes a slight protest. 

“I’m the one with the job,” Aaron jokes. 

“Only until Monday,” Robert replies. 

Aaron smiles. “You can pay on Sunday then.” Robert agrees. 

The walk towards Robert’s building is quiet, nerves having risen to the point where Robert doesn’t know what to say. Their footsteps echo along the pavement, and they walk so close their arms occasionally brush against one another. It’s all Robert can focus on. 

As they reach his front door Robert slows his pace, wanting to drag out their time together, break the minutes down to seconds and memorise each one, memorise this feeling. Aaron turns around and glances upstairs. 

“Can I come up?” he asks. His eyes are dark in the light of the lamppost and Robert considers briefly. 

“You sure?” he replies, and Aaron rolls his eyes slightly. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Aaron counters. 

Robert’s mind floods with reasons;  _ because you don’t want me, because this can’t be real, because you’ll run and I’ll be heartbroken, because I want you too much. _ Instead he swallows and nods. 

The walk up the stairs is charged, something is building between them that terrifies Robert and thrills him at the same time. Aaron remains silent as Robert gets his key out and unlocks the door, quiet as they walk inside. He takes a quick walk around the kitchen, and jokingly says: “This is a nice place you have,” which makes Robert laugh. 

Laughter usually releases tension, but this time it only makes it more tangible, grows between them. 

“Want something to drink?” Robert asks. Aaron’s eyes are fixed on his face as he walks towards him, each step an eternity. 

“I’m good, thanks.” Robert sets his key down on the counter and when his eyes find Aaron’s again, he can’t focus on anything but the shape of Aaron’s lips, the way they are slightly parted in the middle, and how easy it would be to pry them further apart with his -

Aaron’s standing close enough that Robert can count the hairs in his stubble, can see specks of grey in Aaron’s eyes. 

“Aaron, I -” Robert begins but at the intensity of Aaron’s gaze Robert falls quiet. 

“I just…” Aaron starts before taking a small step forward and lifting his face just a little. They are inches apart and Robert can feel Aaron’s breath on his lips. “I just want to remember.” 

Aaron lifts his head up, and then they are kissing. 

It’s softness and unencumbered want wrapped in a single touch. Robert doesn’t react immediately but when he does he dives into it, mouth open and tongue sliding against Aaron’s, parting those lips with reckless abandon and soon enough Aaron is panting into Robert’s cheek, hands on Robert’s neck as he pulls him closer. The stubble around Aaron’s lips and the feel of it on Robert’s skin makes his head swim, and the soft press of their tongues has Robert grabbing for purchase and finding it on Aaron’s waist. 

The force of Aaron’s kiss propels them backwards until Robert is pressed against the kitchen counter, mouth still attached to Aaron’s, tongue now curled behind his teeth. Aaron pulls at the lapels of his blazer and as soon as Robert lowers his arms, Aaron tugs it off and throws it on the kitchen floor. Robert doesn’t even care that his favourite blazer is crumbled on the floor because Aaron is biting at his lower lip and he has forgotten what a blazer is. 

Aaron kisses along Robert’s jaw, biting at the thin skin on Robert’s neck and it is almost too much; his skin is on fire, his body set alight by the desperation in Aaron’s touch, the pressure of his fingertips on Robert. 

“Aaron,” Robert moans, and Aaron meet his lips again in a searing kiss. Aaron presses up against him and Robert can feel how hard he is against his hip. Aaron tugs at his jumper - cashmere that shouldn’t be pulled at but fuck it if Robert cares right now - and without talking they move towards the bedroom arms and hips and mouths still attached. Robert manages to open the bedroom door while sucking on Aaron’s lip and pressing their hips together, making Aaron groan and lift the hem of Robert’s jumper. 

“Off. Now.” Aaron manages while Robert pushes the door open and kisses his neck. Robert complies, lifting his arms over his head and pulling away from Aaron’s lips to let him get the jumper off. For a brief second they stand there, catching their breaths with their eyes fixed on one another. Robert takes in the sight of Aaron, face flushed and breathing heavily, eyes dark with want and a split second later, Robert pulls at Aaron’s hoodie and then t-shirt, before pulling at Aaron’s waist and dragging him onto the bed. Robert notices the shirt from earlier and tosses it onto the floor without a care in the world for where it lands.

It doesn’t take long before their clothes are strewn across the floor and the lie against one another, Aaron leaning over Robert, Aaron pressing against Robert’s hip. 

“Fuck me,” Robert whispers against Aaron’s lips. 

This makes Aaron pull away. His eyebrows are knitted together. “You sure?” 

Robert lifts his head and brings Aaron into a searing kiss, all while pressing his erection hard against Aaron’s. “I want you,” he says, panting. 

Aaron grins at his words, and kisses him deeply. 

Robert reaches over and finds a condom and lube in his drawer, and Aaron kisses down his chest while he does it, biting at his hipbone and licking it immediately afterwards. Robert hears the tell-tale click of the opening bottle and closes his eyes, breathing deeply. At the first touch of Aaron’s finger he lets out a pleasure-induced moan. Aaron kisses his inner thigh and presses his finger inside Robert, slowly, and Robert can’t help but curl into it, back arching and knees bending. 

Robert opens his eyes just in time to see Aaron grin up at him, and take his cock in his mouth. 

“Fuck,” Robert moans. His fist grabs at his sheet and his hip shifts as Aaron presses a second finger in, stretching him open and sliding up until they find -  _ oh. _

Robert moans and Aaron lets his cock slip out of his mouth and slides in a third finger. His eyes are closed but Robert’s eyes see stars with every brush of Aaron’s finger against his prostate; every cell in his body is focused on the sensation of Aaron, his chest against Robert’s leg, one hand on Robert’s thigh, the other inside him, sliding, building pressure and tension until suddenly, he pulls out. 

There’s a sound of a condom wrapper opening, and Robert opens his eyes to see Aaron work it on himself. Robert rests a hand on Aaron’s hip as he does it, letting his fingers dig into his skin. Aaron’s chest is smattered with small scars and when Aaron sees that Robert sees, he bends forward and kisses him, tongue sliding against Robert’s. He sits up and pours a generous amount of lube onto his dick, and smiles down at Robert.

“Lift,” Aaron mumbles, pulling a pillow over and placing it under Robert’s arse. When he has placed Robert on the bed to his satisfaction, he takes a good look at what lies in front of him, grin on his face. Robert watches intently as Aaron’s eyes roam his body, as Aaron meets his gaze, as Aaron moves closer and presses the tip of his cock against Robert. Robert gives a nod, and Aaron presses inside. 

Robert’s entire body reacts as Aaron presses inside; his legs wrap around Aaron’s waist and his arms reach out to touch Aaron’s skin, on his back, his arms. Aaron is his whole world as their bodies intertwine, filling his senses and sending pleasure shooting through his body.  Aaron takes his time before pressing in completely, kissing up Robert’s neck while he does it. “Alright?” he asks, breath hot against Robert’s skin.

“Yes, fuck yes.” Robert’s panting already but when Aaron pulls out and presses in again, he has to remind himself to breathe. 

They move together, Aaron thrusting and Robert meeting his movements, until the room is filled with Aaron’s laboured breathing, Robert’s indecent moans, and the echo of skin on skin, a symphony of sex that fills the space between them. Robert puts his hand on Aaron’s arse and feels his body work, and as Aaron finds the right angle to work, Robert can’t control the sounds he makes. 

Pressure builds slowly and surely and Aaron starts dripping sweat onto Robert’s body. Aaron lifts a hand and touches Robert’s cock, rolling his hands up at down at the same rhythm as he pushes in and, with the need to touch, to tease, Robert bites into Aaron’s shoulder, eliciting a huff of breath from Aaron. 

“I’m close,” he mumbles, and Aaron hums in reply, ragged and deep and glorious in Robert’s ear. 

His orgasm punches through his body, and he comes on to his own chest and Aaron’s hands, nerves and skin alight with pleasure, brain short-circuiting, and body tensing around Aaron. With one, two, three thrusts Aaron groans, eyes closed and body glistening, and Robert has never seen anything as beautiful as this. 

Aaron takes a few deep breaths, eyes meeting Robert’s and grinning. “That was fun,” he says, and Robert laughs. It reverberates through his body and Aaron shivers at the feeling. Robert lifts a hand up to Aaron’s neck and pulls him down, meeting his lips in a soft kiss that lasts until Robert can bear to release him. 

Aaron pulls out and walks out to the bathroom to dispose of the condom, bringing back a cloth to help Robert clean up. After that, he settles on Robert’s chest, head on Robert’s shoulder and his arm pulling Robert close. Robert shifts on the bed and winces slightly. 

“You alright?” Aaron asks. His hand is trailing over Robert’s chest, lingering here and there as he maps out the planes of Robert’s body. 

Robert kisses him, gentle and sweet. “Yeah, that was…” 

“Amazing?” Aaron jokes, and Robert scoffs. 

“It wasn’t too bad, no.” 

Aaron lifts his body up and looks down at Robert. “I can’t believe we haven’t done that yet,” Aaron says. 

“I’m not the one who didn’t want it,” Robert replies, smiling. 

“I didn’t know you wanted it,” Aaron protests, but his eyes are shining. “I didn’t know you wanted me.” At these words, his smile fades, and it hurts Robert more than he knew it could to see the it. 

“I’m sorry I just didn’t know how to tell you, how to handle it…” 

“I know,” Aaron says, leaning down and kissing him. It quickly goes from soft to heated, tongues meeting once again but the desperation from earlier has gone, the tension relieved. 

When they pull apart, Aaron’s smile returns. “So,” Robert asks. “What now?” 

Aaron lies back down and presses his nose to Robert’s neck, breathing deep. “We could… see where this goes? You and me?” 

Robert smiles, pulls Aaron closer. “I would like that,” he says. “I want to do this properly.” 

They spend the night in each other’s arms. Aaron’s gorgeous naked - Robert can’t stop taking in the strong outline of his back, the muscles showing on his shoulders, his arms, his chest. That smattering of hair that Robert can’t help but run his hands through. The scars aren’t mentioned again; Robert wants to wait, wants to make sure Aaron is comfortable telling him before he knows. 

They have sex again; this time the desperation is gone and Robert gets to really enjoy it, sink into it with a languid ease, let it engulf the both of them in sweat and soft kisses. Robert falls asleep with the sound of Aaron’s heartbeat in his ears, with the rise and fall of Aaron’s chest beneath him. He can’t remember sleeping that well in years. 

“I should move out,” Aaron says as they eat breakfast together the next morning. 

Robert sets his cup on the table and takes a deep breath to calm the rising sadness. “Why?” he asks. 

Aaron reaches over, rests his hand on Robert’s and smiles. “Because I want to give this a proper chance… we can’t figure out how to be a couple when I’m sleeping in the next room.” 

“Where’ll you stay?” Robert asks. 

Aaron shrugs, hand still on Robert’s. “Adam’s said it’s alright for me to stay while I find a place.” 

Robert nods, takes a breath. “So you want to move out for our relationship?” Robert asks. 

“Isn’t that what this is?” Aaron counters. “A relationship?”

The thought encompasses Robert’s mind, fills his chest and tugs at the corners of his mouth. “Boyfriend?” he asks Aaron. 

Aaron just laughs. 

That doesn’t mean that while Robert helps Aaron get rid of his stuff, Robert doesn’t feel a twang of sadness. However, Aaron’s smile and their frequent packing breaks which end up with one of them inside the other more than make up for it. 

 

Robert invites Adam and Vic round for dinner, with Aaron in attendance as well, obviously. 

They cook together, even though Aaron’s cooking skills begin and end with a fry-up, and Robert ends up doing most of the work; it is fun, it feels good and normal and Robert can’t stop smiling. Neither can Aaron, it seems. 

Vic arrives with a bottle of wine and Adam in tow, hand intertwined at their sides. Adam immediately goes over to Aaron and gives him a hug, while Vic stands closer to Robert, smiling. 

“Smells great,” she says. “What’re we having?”

“Lasagne and an aubergine salad,” Robert replies. “Wine?”

“Yes please,” she says. 

Aaron’s handing a beer to Adam and Robert takes one for himself as well. 

“So, how’s the new job?” Vic asks. 

“Good, yeah. I think it’ll be a good match,” Robert says. 

“So you don’t need that roommate anymore?” Vic asks cheekily. 

Robert glances over his shoulder, catches Aaron’s eye and smiles. “I guess not,” he says. It’s true, he doesn’t need a roommate. The flat has reverted back to being his alone, but it is almost empty now; Aaron’s presence is gone and Robert almost wishes it hadn’t. “I’ve got a boyfriend instead though.” 

Vic’s eyebrows rise and she laughs. “Not too shabby.” 

The food is good and the wine is great, and it is clear that Adam and Aaron know each other painfully well. They share jokes and secret glances and Robert feels a pang of jealousy. Not that Aaron has it, but that he doesn’t. Then Aaron catches his eye and they share a look that reverberates through Robert’s body; a promise of later, of tomorrow, a look of happiness. 

When Vic and Adam get ready to leave, Vic pulls him aside. 

“I’ve never seen you like this, Rob. Happiness suits you,” she says. 

Robert grins. “I think so too,” he says. Adam hugs him goodbye and Vic pecks him on the cheek, and then the door closes and Robert is left to his flat, and to Aaron. 

“Was fun,” Aaron says. 

Robert tests the water, crosses his arms. “Sure about that?” 

Aaron rolls his eyes. “I like Vic, she’s… feisty.” 

Robert lets out a huff of laughter. “That she is.” 

“She reminds me of you,” Aaron says, walking over. He places a hand on either side of Robert’s waist and presses a kiss to Robert’s lips. It’s laced with beer and is slightly off center, stubble pressing against Robert’s mouth but it doesn’t matter, not really. 

“I should do the dishes,” Robert says. Aaron lifts an eyebrow and takes Robert’s hand, walking both of them over to the kitchen sink. 

“I’ll wash, you dry.” 

Aaron spends the night pressing kisses onto Robert’s skin, taking him apart slowly with every touch of his fingers, every brush of his lips. It can be hard and fast between them, but it is always gentle. Robert pays him back in kind, biting, licking, drawing out Aaron’s pleasure until he is writhing beneath Robert, eyes closed and fists clenched in the sheets. 

Afterwards, Aaron is all soft and pliant and Robert feels himself falling even more in love with him.

Aaron starts spending over three nights a week at Robert’s. His bedroom remains empty - Robert no longer needs the money from a flat mate - but Aaron quips that he prefers Robert’s room anyway. He starts taking up space in Robert’s flat again, starts leaving small things here and there, starts burying into the cracks of Robert’s existence until Robert can’t imagine Aaron not being there. 

He is completely gone for Aaron, and with every smile, Robert hopes Aaron feels the same. 

 

The first time Aaron says it is two months later. 

They are watching Pacific Rim, and Robert can’t help but make a crude joke about what they did in bed last night that has Aaron snorting into Robert’s chest, eyes gleaming. Aaron puts a hand on Robert’s thigh and presses lightly with his fingertips, grounding, centering Robert’s focus. 

Aaron looks up and meets Robert’s eye and says: “I love you.” Like it isn’t the best thing Robert has heard, like it doesn’t shift the ground beneath him and make him feel like he is falling. Aaron’s still sitting there, hand on his leg and eyes fixed on Robert’s, making sure he doesn’t disappear. 

“I love you too,” Robert says, and watches as Aaron’s eyes shine back at him. 

Later, as they lie in bed, Robert resting on Aaron’s chest, his life feels full. His arms are wrapped around Aaron, his hand tracing the lines across his chest. 

“What happened?” Robert asks, voice low. 

Aaron lifts his head to look down. Darkness fills his eyes and he sits up, taking a deep breath before speaking. 

The story spills out of him, filling Robert’s head with hatred and anger and making him want to rewrite the rules of the universe that someone like Aaron can be so horribly treated by anyone. Someone who was supposed to keep him safe. Aaron kisses his forehead and Robert wraps his arms around him and they talk, for hours. 

They don’t fall asleep until the sound of birds chirping can be heard from outside the window, until they are both too wrung out to not drift away, arms and legs and bodies intertwined.

 

The doorbell rings while Robert’s eating dinner. He sets his knife and fork down, gets up and walks over to the door. 

Aaron. Aaron never rings the doorbell. Robert tells him as much. 

“Can we talk?” Aaron asks in lieu of an answer. 

Robert kisses Aaron as he walks in, a quick touch of their lips that normally would make Aaron linger but doesn’t. 

“What’s wrong?” Robert asks.

Aaron paces around the room, stopping as Robert walks over, puts a hand on his waist. “I’ve been offered a flat.” 

“Good news, right?” Robert asks. Aaron deflates slightly at Robert’s question. “Isn’t it?” Robert continues. 

“I just… It’s a great flat, large bedroom and a great view. It’s close to work as well,” Aaron manages. 

“And? Take it then,” Robert says. 

“I don’t want to live there,” Aaron mumbles, hand on his neck. “I have to give an answer by tonight but I don’t want to live there.” 

“I mean, Adam’s couch can’t be that comfortable and I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to -” 

“I want to live with you,” Aaron interrupts, exasperated. “I don’t want to live in a nice place with someone I don’t know.” 

Robert’s frozen where he stood, hand still on Aaron’s waist and mouth now hanging open. Aaron rests a hand on Robert’s face, which shakes him out of it. “You… want to live here? Move back in?”

Aaron nods. “What’re you thinking?” 

A grin spreads over Robert’s face. He pulls Aaron into a hug and kisses the spot where his neck meets his shoulder. 

“You sure?” Aaron asks. 

Robert looks him in the eyes, blue and shining and all the more beautiful for being Aaron’s. “Shut up,” he says. Aaron’s smile is a mile wide.

Aaron leans forward and kisses him deeply. They briefly break apart so Aaron can turn down the offer, and then they shuffle their way into Robert’s bedroom - their bedroom - discarding clothes along the way. 

Later, they move Aaron’s things back in, and Robert’s flat becomes their flat, but for now they kiss and laugh and touch until the kisses become heated and the laughter becomes moaning and they lose themselves in one another. 

Robert has never been happier to share his life with someone.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are appreciated!
> 
> I'm escapingreality51 on tumblr, come and say hi :)


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